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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24742180">Finding Happiness</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/torikabori/pseuds/torikabori'>torikabori</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Steven Universe (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Gem Fusion, Marriage, Post-Canon, bellow summer bash</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:08:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,744</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24742180</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/torikabori/pseuds/torikabori</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Blue and Yellow try to redefine their relationship in Era Three, with help from a few unexpected sources.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Blue Diamond/Yellow Diamond (Steven Universe)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>73</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Changes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello friends! Since I can't write short things, I'll just be using the prompts as loose themes for each chapter of this... thing. There won't be one for every single day of the bash, but I'll do my best to finish most of it on time!</p><p>I hope you all enjoy~</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She existed only for a moment, but oh, what a moment it was.</p><p>Blue Diamond, then the youngest of the three matriarchs who ruled over a small but growing planet, had been struggling with her position. Blue had not emerged like her fellow Diamonds— quiet, clumsy, always a few steps behind, always struggling to understand, always hiding away in shame.</p><p>Yellow Diamond had seemed just the opposite, and just what a leader should be. She never questioned, never hesitated, displayed strength and beauty in everything that she did. Gems would look to her and know they would be okay so long as she led them. Blue had looked to her, too.</p><p>So of course Blue had been both excited and terrified whenever Yellow had deigned to speak with her— or, on rare occasions, work with her. It was during one of these times that something had gone horrifically wrong.</p><p>She was not sure how it had happened— Yellow was teaching Blue how to fly her new ship, either Blue or the ship had moved wrong, and suddenly both Diamonds were in the air, and only one came down.</p><p>The ship stopped moving. She landed on her feet— lopsided, one bare and one heeled— and hunched over, her arms flung out clumsily to steady her massive form.</p><p>(Eons later, the inside walls of Blue’s ship would still bear the scars.)</p><p>She brought her hands in, staring at them in shock. A half-formed glove stretched over the thumb and two fingers of the right; the left had a blotchy, pale blue palm. The rest of her skin— and the two gems on her chest— were vivid green.</p><p>Inside, she felt… so much. She was shocked. She was confused. She was terrified.</p><p>She was <em>exhilarated</em>.</p><p>And then it was over— it all overwhelmed her until her mind and body split, and she was two gems once again, and the horror of what they had done was the only feeling left.</p><p>“Take us back down,” Yellow ordered, the fury in her voice making Blue flinch.</p><p>“I’m sorry—”</p><p>“Land this ship right now!”</p><p>Her voice cracked; Blue did not dare look at her mentor’s face. She took hold of the ship again and brought it back down to the planet surface with an awkward, painful thud.</p><p>Yellow did not say another word to her. She left Blue in the broken ship, left her to weep in private. They would not speak to each other again for nearly a thousand years.</p><p>*</p><p>Today, Blue was still not like her fellow Diamonds, but she felt very different about that.</p><p>While Yellow, White, and even Steven back on Earth liked to keep a regular schedule, Blue enjoyed it when the day brought her something unexpected. Gems were learning that they could stop by her chambers whenever they wished; she greeted them all if she was in, and left clouds ready for them if she was not. They were growing bolder about approaching her for idle chatter, which she loved. She listened and learned about all sorts of creatures, from the beautifully unique off-colors of her own kind to the alien beings past the borders of their former empire.</p><p>She sometimes hosted parties— not the grand balls that Pink had used as a barely-acceptable form of socializing, but quiet, informal gatherings— and found that she loved it. While White and Yellow seemed to need rest after a long bout of social efforts, Blue was learning that she sometimes needed rest from being alone.</p><p>It was strange, realizing all she had never known about herself. And it was humbling, realizing all she had never known about her fellow gems. There was a new one today, a little green Jade who sported a few extra features and a wide smile.</p><p>“Hello there,” Blue said cheerfully. It was still somewhat rare, seeing obvious fusions from two different courts. “What can I do for you?”</p><p>The fusion laughed. “Now there’s something to hear from a Diamond! I guess things really have changed, huh?”</p><p>Blue tried not to sigh. She still felt ashamed, sometimes. But at least she could do something about it now.</p><p>“I should hope so,” she said earnestly. “What’s your preference? Today we have a conversation about organic mating customs up this way—” she pointed to a far corner of the room— “and a quiet area over there if you’d like to try sleeping.” She pointed to the opposite corner. “Or you can try taking one of these elsewhere, if you’d like.” The clouds were not easy to transport, but she always offered; she knew some gems still were uncomfortable around her.</p><p>“Hmmmmmmm…” The fusion tapped her chin as she pondered, and Blue noticed a small gleam on her finger. “Well, I already know plenty about organic mating! I just came here for some wife time. Anywhere a gem can go have a chat with herself?”</p><p>Blue lifted her to an area away from the other main groups. The fusion giggled and hugged herself as she settled into the cloud, already lost in her own little world.</p><p>Blue watched her for a moment. It was an odd feeling she had— something like nostalgia mixed with admiration, and just the tiniest bit of envy. She had only fused once, and back then it had been a terrible crime. In all the eons since, she had never considered trying again.</p><p>She had never even admitted to herself that she wanted to.</p><p>Would Green Diamond ever have the courage to walk around in public as herself?</p><p>Would Yellow ever want to call Blue her wife?</p><p>They had never put a name to their relationship; in fact they talked about it very little. It existed in a few comforting touches and a secret kiss every few years or decades, only when they were alone. It had been inappropriate, and she knew the shame of it had particularly hurt Yellow, who always cared so much about setting an example. Blue had not dared to ask for anything more.</p><p>But… things were so different now. They had considered each other equals for so long, there were no rules against it, and it was not their place to set examples. If anything, shouldn’t they be following gems like those Jades?</p><p>Blue checked the time. Yellow would be finishing today’s batch of gem repairs in about an hour, and then she would tend to her garden. She liked to be alone for that, but afterward she sometimes came to visit. Well, maybe it was Blue’s turn to take the initiative.</p><p>So, after using the time to make a fresh set of clouds and excuse herself to her guests, she made her way to Yellow’s chambers.</p><p>The scent of organic life greeted her first. Yellow kept some flowering bushes by the door in her own effort to make her space feel inviting. She had done impressive work, growing such a rich and colorful variety— but then, Blue thought fondly, Yellow had always been good at caring for things.</p><p>Yellow herself was at her desk, in deep conversation with a gem over what was now called the Interplanetary Video Relay, formerly the Diamond Line. Even their language was changing around them.</p><p>“I can definitely do something about that,” Yellow was saying to the gem. “Depending on the severity of the corruption it might need a few treatments to stick, but each one only takes a moment and I’ve been assured it’s completely painless.”</p><p>“Really?” the gem asked anxiously. She rubbed one hand over a misshapen stump. “And my fian— ah, my friend, she was wondering— um, she was cracked, during— well, you know— and her eyes don’t work so well now—”</p><p>“I can help with that too,” Yellow assured her, and the gem broke out into a wide grin. Then she spotted Blue and winced. “Oh! I’m sorry, I’m wasting your time—”</p><p>“Please, don’t rush because of me,” Blue protested, while Yellow said emphatically, “You are <em>not</em>.”</p><p>They met each other’s eyes for just a moment. Yellow’s expression softened, a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth, and then she was back to business. “Your time is just as important as ours. I’m sure this isn’t urgent—” she glanced at Blue, who shook her head— “so let’s schedule your visit.”</p><p>Blue tucked herself into a corner to wait, hoping she was out of the video frame. Sitting on the floor like this, she saw that Yellow’s work room had a few more sets of stairs, a few more little benches and tables sized for the average worker gem. Perhaps Blue was not the only one getting used to having company around.</p><p>She watched Yellow with growing fondness. She could see, just barely, the way her foot twitched when the gem kept interrupting herself. Once upon a time, Yellow would have snapped at her to get to the point; now she listened patiently.</p><p>When the call finally ended, Yellow sighed as she made notes in her planner. “Some of these Earthlings get so anxious. When that one is finished with me, I’m sending her your way.”</p><p>Blue stood, thinking of some of the gems she had spoken to over the last few months. “We can’t blame them for being nervous around us, surely.”</p><p>“I know that. It’s just a bit much, sometimes.” She frowned and muttered, seemingly to herself, “Especially since I can’t do anything to fix it.”</p><p>Blue moved over to the desk. Yellow remained where she was, brow furrowed as she finished organizing her notes for the day. It took quite a lot to disrupt her routine.</p><p>Blue laid a hand on her back, feeling a mild static under her fingers. It happened sometimes, when Yellow was especially troubled; Blue was the only one who knew about it. No one else made a habit of touching her. “I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Blue said softly. “You fixed me, didn’t you?”</p><p>“You fixed yourself. And you took an awfully long time to do it.”</p><p>If Blue looked closely, she could see the trail of tiny sparks as she stroked her fingertips along Yellow’s back. “I think they’ll be faster, given the change in circumstances. Not every gem is as stubborn as a Diamond.”</p><p>“Hm.” Yellow was still frowning— pouting, really— but the static gradually settled.  Blue wondered, not for the first time, what it might feel like under her own skin. Their powers were almost completely opposite; what would Green’s be like? She had existed for such a short time, they had never learned these things about her.</p><p>Yellow let out another sigh, this one more contented, as she made her final note and powered down the main screen. “So,” she said as she turned, leaning back to look up at Blue, “did you have some business here, or were you just in the mood to stand around and paw at me?”</p><p>There was a mischievous glint in those bright golden eyes, one that Blue sometimes thought about when she was making her clouds. She brought her free hand up to touch Yellow’s cheek. “What if I told you it was both?”</p><p>Yellow raised an eyebrow and tilted her head toward Blue’s touch. “Then I’d call you a very silly creature and ask why we can’t get the important thing done first so we can focus properly on the pawing.”</p><p>Blue couldn’t help it; she bent down and kissed her. There was the static again, warming her lips without hurting, physical evidence of how Yellow felt. Yellow laid a hand over hers and straightened up in her chair as she returned the kiss, and when they parted she leaned forward a little, eyelids fluttering, as if she was not quite ready for it to end. So Blue obliged and kissed her again, longer this time.</p><p>This time, Yellow drew back first. She breathed a little harder, but her eyes were still alert, still searching. “Trying to distract me, hm? And right in front of the window.” Despite her words, her voice was soft. “Really, Blue, what is it?”</p><p>Blue smiled at her, although it wavered. She was trying to distract herself, she supposed; she felt woefully unequal to the conversation she had come here to start. Despite everything, she found that the fear was still there, settled deep within her after eons of enforcement.</p><p>“I wanted to talk about… us.”</p><p>Yellow watched her, sitting very still. “Us?”</p><p>“Yes. Us and… this.” She took a shaky breath. Things had changed, she had to remember. The rules she was so terrified of breaking were no longer enforced. They had no example to set. Gems did this openly now. Everything was different.</p><p>Everything had changed.</p><p>“I love you,” she said. The words stumbled over each other. “I love doing these things with you. I want to do them more often. If that’s okay.”</p><p>“Well, we have plenty of time for it now,” Yellow said slowly. “Of course it’s okay. Blue, what are you really asking for?”</p><p>Blue swallowed. Yellow had not let go of her hand. “I want to stop hiding.”</p><p>Yellow frowned at her. “Is that what we’ve been doing?”</p><p>“It feels that way.”</p><p>They held each other’s eyes for a moment, then Yellow nodded. “Okay,” she said simply.</p><p>“Okay?”</p><p>“If you don’t mind others knowing, then neither do I.” Yellow took both of Blue’s hands in hers. “I always thought I was obvious, anyway. I suspect some already know.”</p><p>Blue blinked at her. Was it really that easy? “I— you’re not, I don’t know, ashamed?”</p><p>“I have <em>never</em> been ashamed of you,” Yellow insisted, as if the very idea was offensive. “Other things, maybe. But never you.”</p><p>Blue had nothing to say to that, so she kissed her again instead. She lingered a moment longer this time, feeling a rush, a sort of wild courage. She could swear she felt clouds forming all over her skin.</p><p>“Fuse with me,” she said breathlessly, after they broke apart.</p><p>“Wh— are you serious? After what happened last time?”</p><p>“We were different gems back then. Our relationship was different. I want to see what Green is like now. Don’t you?”</p><p>Yellow stared at her, wide-eyed. Of all things, this was apparently what threw her off. “I… are you sure? I made such a mess of it. I broke your ship. I couldn’t work up the nerve to speak to you again for centuries.”</p><p>“It wasn’t your fault. We were so young.” She gave another trembling smile. “Wait, you were nervous about talking to me? The great Yellow Diamond, feeling shy?”</p><p>Yellow rolled her eyes. “Please, Blue. This is not new information.”</p><p>Blue laughed. As incredible as it would have seemed at the time, Yellow had long since confessed what her feelings had been. “So is that a maybe?”</p><p>“If you’re absolutely sure you want to, then it’s a yes. But we may have to find a bigger room.” She glanced around the study with a critical eye. “I’d say Green was about double our height, with exponentially more power that she is not used to containing. I assume she’ll want to do more than sit still and think, so if we don’t want to break anything—”</p><p>“You’ve thought about this,” Blue realized. She had been worried, for a moment— for an age— that she was the only one who had. “You’re excited too.”</p><p>“It may have crossed my mind once or twice,” Yellow said, a little too casually. She had that glint in her eyes again. “Did you want to try right now?”</p><p>Blue couldn’t help but laugh. Even after all this time, Yellow could still surprise her.</p><p>Some things, she thought, had not changed at all.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Green Thumbs</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They had succeeded once, although it had seemed like a terrible failure at the time.</p><p>Yellow had been a much younger gem back then. A freshly minted matriarch, she had been White Diamond’s right hand, charged with the improvement of Homeworld’s technology, the expansion of its army, and the instruction of its newest ruler.</p><p>Blue Diamond was different from the others, but she too was destined to lead: although soft-spoken, she was fiercely intelligent in matters of art and law, and she had a quiet sort of deadliness to her when she became angry. She did not charge headfirst into battle or argument, but calmly considered; she was wise and intimidating and beautiful in a way that Diamonds were supposed to be.</p><p>Around her, Yellow had always felt like a fraud. She could barely keep her powers— or her emotions— in check.</p><p>Oh, she tried to ignore them. She tried to stay professional, as she did with other gems. It was not as if being a little infatuated with Blue Diamond was unusual, anyway, and the rest of them managed somehow. Every gem had flaws, as White was forever telling her. But Yellow was weak to Blue in a way that no one else seemed to be.</p><p>She found herself looking for excuses to talk to her, to ask her opinion on things. Sometimes Yellow even tried to impress her— though she could never admit that was what she meant to do— when she showed her a new facet of Homeworld, or taught her a new technique of war, or brought her a new invention.</p><p>Of course these bad habits soon led to disaster.</p><p>As commanded, Yellow had crafted personal ships for the three of them— a body for White, and an arm each for her and Blue. She feared it was presumptuous, making them match, but the designs had been approved, after all… and when she presented Blue with hers, the younger Diamond thanked her with a rare tiny smile that made Yellow feel like she was flying.</p><p>So, naturally, she had offered to show her personally how to pilot it.</p><p>They had been in the ship, Blue flexing the fingers on her left hand as the corresponding ship movements made the whole room wobble precariously. She moved her elbow a bit— the ship was overly sensitive, which would have to be fixed— and Yellow, in her infinite stupidity, had used the excuse to touch her.</p><p>Then something happened; Blue had jerked away in surprise, and Yellow’s power had leaked out, it was impossible to say which caused what— and then they were tossed into the air— they reached out to grab hold of each other— and then they were one.</p><p>Green Diamond landed painfully, damaging the ship. She took a moment to get her bearings, then stared in shock at herself: she was no longer anyone’s idea of a leader. She was clumsy. She was hideous. She was an abomination.</p><p>And Yellow <em>loved</em> her.</p><p>It was this realization that was most horrifying of all. Overwhelmed with emotion, Green split back into two, and Yellow was left shaking, crackling with lightning she could not contain, trying to hold back a scream.</p><p>She did yell at Blue, just a little, so desperate was she to get away. Blue let her out of the ship and she ran, just barely able to get out of Blue’s sight before she broke down.</p><p>It was not merely that she was a little bit infatuated, a little bit weak, a little bit affected by Blue’s magnetic power. She could not help her flaws, after all. But this— this was not a mistake. She <em>wanted</em> to fuse again. This unnatural act spoke to something deep and terrible within her, and she did not even have the grace to be properly disgusted with it.</p><p>She was convinced Blue would report this, convinced she had ruined everything, and it took her nearly a thousand years to overcome the terror and shame enough to face her.</p><p>*</p><p>“We’ll just have to try again,” Yellow said now.</p><p>Blue sighed and flopped against her, letting her head fall onto Yellow’s shoulder. “It’s okay,” she said despondently. “We don’t have to.”</p><p>Yellow glared at the opposite wall, fuming even as she held Blue against her. Things were so different now. She had control over her powers, acceptance of her feelings, and she knew Blue loved her back. There were no rules they were breaking, no reason to be afraid.</p><p>Not that she was afraid. Of course she wasn’t.</p><p>So why couldn’t they form Green again?</p><p>“Just one more time,” she insisted. “And then we’ll stop for today.”</p><p>Blue let out another long breath while Yellow rubbed her back. They had been at it for hours.</p><p>“Okay,” she agreed.</p><p>They drew apart, extending their arms and closing their eyes. There was no music, but they both had the steps memorized by now: one foot back, one forward, twist, turn. Perfectly in sync, moving as one, they went through the motions. Yellow dipped Blue low, the same way they had seen other gems do it. Eyes closed, she lifted her slowly back up, ready for the fusion to take them… only it never did.</p><p>They opened their eyes. Blue gave Yellow a small, sad smile that made her feel like dirt. “Really, it’s okay,” Blue said gently. “It was a silly idea. We don’t have to fuse.”</p><p><em>I know we don’t </em>have <em>to</em>, Yellow almost snapped, but she held it back. Blue was clearly tired, and they had gotten nowhere; it was time to stop.</p><p>“We’ll try again another time,” she said instead, to which Blue only gave her an indulgent nod and changed the subject.</p><p>They did try again, the next evening. And again the following day. After that, Blue seemed to give up. She gave Yellow that same smile, those same reassurances, and went on acting as if it were no big deal at all.</p><p>Yellow, on the other hand, was distraught. Failure was not new to her, but she had never truly gotten used to it, and she had never, ever been okay with it.</p><p>So, she did what she always did when her emotions could not be ignored: she channeled them into action.</p><p>She packed her schedule with appointments and projects, multitasking wherever possible. She healed gems while listening to recorded lectures on both traditional and cross-gem fusion; she tended her garden while talking with successful fusions about how they had done it. </p><p>She even put time with Blue on her calendar every evening, and tried to make some small gesture of affection before witnesses, to make sure she satisfied Blue’s desire to have their relationship known.</p><p>They did not try fusing again. Yellow was determined that she would not ask until she thought they had some chance of success.</p><p>And she was not sure they were moving any closer to that. The fusion talk did not help her understand any better— so many of them were accidental, like her and Blue’s first time— and it was frankly exhausting to keep up the pleasant socializing when she was so frustrated and embarrassed. But still she pressed on, determined to discover the secret to forming Green again. Blue wanted it, so Yellow would make it happen, stars witness it.</p><p>After a month of this, she finally had to pause, lest she start shouting at some undeserving target. She gave herself an evening alone with her plants.</p><p>These, somehow, she understood. They were much like growing Gems: put in some the right mix of sunlight and nutrients, and one would almost always get a result. The fact that they usually sprouted in weeks rather than decades, and actually enhanced the air and soil around them, gave a particular sort of gratification to the work. Success came quickly, and it paved the way for more success. Furthermore, while each piece of organic life was subtly different, it would reliably behave in a manner similar to its fellows. If she understood how one Earth-sourced fruit tree would grow, she could almost certainly understand another.</p><p>She was just re-potting one of her favorites when Blue entered, about an hour ahead of schedule.</p><p>“The funniest thing happened today,” she said cheerfully. “I met a gem from my old court I hadn’t seen in eons. She told me she was shattered in a construction accident, and she was just healed by a strange old hermit who grew organic life in her office and kept inviting off-colors in to talk about fusion.”</p><p>Yellow frowned down at the soil she was carefully arranging. “You’re early,” she grumbled.</p><p>Instead of acknowledging that, Blue walked to the other side of the plant she was working on, admiring it. “She also said she had never seen such a lovely variety of flowers. You really have gotten good at this.”</p><p>Yellow hummed, nudging a root that almost caught on the edge of its new pot. “It’s not difficult.”</p><p>“Really? I’ve had no success at all. These things just won’t grow in my rooms.”</p><p>“Don’t be absurd. It’s just the clouds— your room has too much moisture and not enough direct sunlight.” Yellow pointed to an enclosed area in the far corner of the room, where she kept a small rainforest biome. “Try one of those. I recommend the fungi.”</p><p>“Perhaps I will. I do like their funny shapes,” Blue mused. She was quiet for a moment, while Yellow finished re-potting and began to check the specimen for any issues. Then she said, “Did you know humans have a word for someone who’s good with plants?”</p><p>“I assume I’m about to know,” Yellow muttered.</p><p>“They would say you have green thumbs,” Blue told her, clearly delighted by this fact.</p><p>Finally Yellow looked up. Blue was grinning, though it faded when Yellow failed to smile at all.</p><p>“Are you really that bothered about our fusion?”</p><p>Yellow ground her teeth. This was not helping her mood. “I know it’s a ridiculous thing to be upset about,” she admitted. “I just thought…” She shook her head, disgusted with herself.</p><p>“It’s not ridiculous,” Blue said softly. “I’m disappointed too.”</p><p>It probably would have hurt less if Blue had slapped her. “I’ll keep researching,” Yellow promised, when she could trust herself to speak. “We’ll find a way.”</p><p>Blue sighed and stepped around the plants, coming to stand next to her. “I’m sure we will,” she said gently, sliding her arms around Yellow’s waist so she could hold her while she worked. “But love, I’d still be happy with you even if we never fused again. You know that, right?”</p><p>“Right,” Yellow said, still not satisfied.</p><p>Blue leaned in and kissed her cheek. “And you know,” she added innocently, “there are other ways of joining our bodies.”</p><p>Yellow nearly dropped her plants. “Blue!”</p><p>Blue batted her eyes and pouted, which looked more than a little ridiculous when their faces were so close together. “It’s been <em>ages</em>, Yellow.”</p><p>“It’s barely been a month,” Yellow reminded her, trying to suppress a smile. She did not want to cheer up yet. “Besides, being open about our relationship is one thing, but surely you’re not suggesting we do any obscene acts right here in my office.”</p><p>“Of course not. You’ll finish your gardening and then we’ll go to do them in one of our private obscenity chambers.”</p><p>Yellow snorted. There was a particular area in each of their ships that was sound-proofed and lockable from the inside, known only to them and used on the rare occasion when they wanted to be truly alone together. In Era Three, the secrecy was less necessary, but… well, there was a particular kind of happiness they found there, and Yellow had quickly realized she did not want to give it up.</p><p>She set her plants aside and cleaned the dirt away, letting Blue cuddle her while she worked. In spite of everything, it did make her feel better. “I still want to keep trying,” she admitted.</p><p>“Then we will. I like learning to dance anyway. And…”</p><p>“And I suppose I’d better let you drag me off to bed, before you make some quip about dancing horizontally,” Yellow sighed, as if resigned to a terrible fate. “What am I going to do with you?”</p><p>“I can think of a few things,” Blue said suggestively, but Yellow prevented her from naming them with a firm kiss.</p><p>It was a while later, as they lay together in the semi-darkness, that Yellow thought about Green again. There were perks, she supposed, to staying separate.</p><p>And when Blue snuggled against her, and told her that even a year ago she never would have dreamed she could be so happy, Yellow began to think that maybe, for now, this was good enough.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Had to rate this fic T just for Blue being horny on main, smh</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Questions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hhhhhh this was supposed to be for day 3, but I've been going through some Stuff..... at least I was able to get this in within the week, technically...!</p><p>...I'm so sorry I've failed my bellows. Hopefully this slightly longer installment with 500% more clowns will make up for it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In what was sadly becoming a near-daily occurrence, Yellow’s schedule was thrown off by an unexpected visitor. Today, happily, it was Blue again.</p><p>And she seemed rather excited about something, which could go either way, really.</p><p>“Is this a good time?” she asked. “I have something important to ask.”</p><p>Yellow set down her work. She was in the middle of sorting through mismatched shards, but nothing that could not be paused for a minute or two— they were bubbled, after all. “If it’s important, I’ll make time.”</p><p>Blue smiled and made her way over to Yellow’s desk. “You know I’ve been talking to some gems down on Earth,” she began. “We’ve learned a lot.”</p><p>Yellow nodded. Blue’s work these days gave her many opportunities to daydream and socialize, which Yellow did not envy but Blue at least seemed to put to good use. “Spinel tells me you’ve been talking about human culture lately.”</p><p>“We have.” Blue clasped her hands together. For a moment she seemed almost… nervous? She went on, “I love that they have names for so many types of relationships. A gem might say she’s close to someone, and it could mean anything. But a human can have a parent, or a sibling, or a friend.”</p><p>“It’s nice to have precise language,” Yellow agreed. “Parent is a synonym for mom, right?” A few of these terms had been explained to her, but she admittedly had trouble keeping all of them straight, particularly those with gendered or informal versions.</p><p>Blue nodded and bit her lip. “They have a word for us, too,” she said quietly. Then she did something odd: she took a shaky breath, then knelt on the floor, right in front of Yellow’s chair.</p><p>“Blue, what—”</p><p>Blue shushed her. “Just stay where you are,” she said, when Yellow started to rise. “This is part of it.”</p><p>“Part of what, exactly?”</p><p>Instead of answering, Blue gave her another disarming smile, and reached forward to take her hands. Holding them up as if she meant to kiss them, she said, “Yellow, I love you. I’ve loved you my entire life. This thing that we have— I want it to last forever. I want a name for it. Will you marry me?”</p><p>“I… what?”</p><p>“We don’t have to have a ball. It can be a simple ceremony. I just want to call you my wife, and have everyone know what you mean to me.”</p><p>Yellow was baffled. It had never occurred to her that their relationship might <em>not</em> last forever; but then again, Blue had been asking an awful lot about it lately. Perhaps with all the changes going on around them— not to mention their worrying inability to fuse— she wanted some reassurance?</p><p>Well, if a human ceremony and a new nickname was what Blue needed to feel secure, then of course Yellow would do it. “Alright,” she said. “If that’s what you want, I’ll marry you.”</p><p>It did not seem like much, but Blue was thrilled. They planned a date for the marrying in a few weeks’ time, and then there was so much kissing and other distracting displays of affection that it was a full two hours before Yellow could properly focus on her work again.</p><p>When she finished with this batch of shards, she made a quick note on her to-do list: find out what marrying someone actually entailed.</p><p>*</p><p>Research did not take terribly long, thanks to some translated study material that had been brought over from Earth’s gem education program. A <em>wedding</em> was the ceremony by which two beings became <em>married</em>, which seemed to be little more than an agreement to be romantic and live together indefinitely. The ceremony required an altar, an officiant, and an audience of family and other associates. Yellow supposed she could deal with that, although it still did not excite her.</p><p>The whole idea just seemed so basic, which was why she did not expect the reaction that came just a few hours later.</p><p>The door to her rooms opened behind her, followed by a high-pitched cry of “<em>Yellowwww!</em>”</p><p>She half-turned to see Spinel, who shaped herself into a wheel and rolled from the door into a wide circle around the desk before springing up toward Yellow’s face, all in less than a second.</p><p>Yellow, used to such silliness by now, merely raised an eyebrow. “Can I help you?”</p><p>“You’re getting married!” Spinel exclaimed, extending her arms to wrap around Yellow’s head in a tight hug. “Can I be in the wedding party? Can I be the planner? Please please please!”</p><p>Yellow hardly had time to react before her door opened again.</p><p>“A wedding!” White crossed the room, cape billowing behind her, in a few large strides that were no less dramatic than Spinel’s rolling. “And I only just found out! Oh, Yellow, you <em>must</em> let me officiate!”</p><p>“It’ll be perfect!” Spinel was on her shoulder now, bouncing in excitement. “She’s known you the longest, and I know how to throw a party!”</p><p>“And just imagine what it would mean for all gems, watching the four of us take part in a human ceremony,” White gushed. “And to celebrate love, of all things!”</p><p>Yellow was not sure where all this fuss was coming from. She had thought their days of holding court were over. “Why should it mean anything? They know they don't need our permission.”</p><p>“It’s the <em>symbolism</em>, Yellow.” White sighed mournfully. “Won’t you let us join the celebration? Surely you wouldn’t be so cruel as to reject our love?”</p><p>“Pleeeeeease,” Spinel wailed in her ear. “I’ll never ask for anything again!”</p><p>“Of course you will, and you should. Stop this, both of you,” Yellow said flatly. They knew she did not care for such histrionics. “It isn’t just my party. Have you mentioned this to Blue at all?”</p><p>“She said to ask you,” Spinel admitted, while White gave her a pitiable look.</p><p>“Blue told us she wouldn't mind, but to make sure you were comfortable with it. Please, Yellow…” White leaned over and grabbed her hands, and Yellow found herself receiving some bizarre supplication for the second time this week. “I know I’ve said some things in the past, and I haven’t always been supportive.” She squeezed Yellow’s hands tighter, cutting off any protest. “I know this alone won’t fix all that's happened between us, but I want to be better now. Won’t you let me try?”</p><p>Spinel snuggled into her neck, arms wrapping tighter. “Weddings are for families, you know.”</p><p>It was a dirty trick: with Spinel wrapped around her like this, Yellow had to make sure none of her lightning leaked out, which meant she did not dare say no to White. Even if it was over something small, even if she knew the older Diamond would take it well, it still left Yellow tense and sparking for hours afterward.</p><p>So, against her better judgment, she gave in.</p><p>“Fine. Just calm down, and promise me you won’t go overboard.”</p><p>“We won’t!” they promised. White held out her hands for Spinel, who squeezed Yellow one more time before bouncing into them, and then White carried her off toward… whatever they had in store.</p><p>“You won’t regret this!” Spinel promised, stretching her head and neck to beam at Yellow over White’s shoulder. “You’ll have the best wedding ever, just you wait!”</p><p>Yellow got back to her work, uneasy. Somehow, this did not comfort her.</p><p>*</p><p>Several days later, she was interrupted yet again: an unscheduled call on the Interplanetary Video Relay, from Earth.</p><p>It was not from Steven’s house directly, but she dropped what she was doing anyway, instinctively preparing for the worst. Ever since the events of a few months ago— well, ever since the report of Pink’s shattering, if she was perfectly honest— she had developed an intermittent, low-grade anxiety of receiving an unexpected call and learning some horrific news. So, steeling herself for the worst, she answered.</p><p>“You’ve reached Yellow Diamond. How may I— Pearl?”</p><p>“My Diamond!” Of all beings, it was her former Pearl. She had her hands clasped behind her back, the same way Yellow herself used to do. At least Pearl did not give the salute anymore; when she had left for Earth nearly a year ago, she still had not lost the habit.</p><p>But why would Pearl call her? </p><p>“How can I help you?” Yellow tried again. “Is something wrong?”</p><p>“Oh, stars, no! We just heard the news and wanted to congratulate you!” When Yellow just stared at her, completely nonplussed, she clarified, “On your upcoming <em>marriage!</em>”</p><p>What was it with everyone and their outsized reactions to this? “And that merits congratulations, I suppose…?”</p><p>“It’s the custom here on Earth!” Pearl grinned— or maybe it was a smirk. “I’ve been to <em>dozens</em> of weddings, you know. It’s my favorite human tradition so far. A bride gets to be as radiant and adored as a Diamond at her own ball!”</p><p>Yellow was not sure how to respond to that. Another hint that their wedding might herald a return to the old ways made her… uncomfortable, to say the least.</p><p>Pearl went on. “And what a big step for you and Blue Diamond! I told Pearl she should call as well. We’re so happy for you.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Yellow said awkwardly, unsure what else to say. “But I’m not sure it’s such a big deal.”</p><p>Pearl actually laughed at her. “Of course it’s a big deal! Have you designed your outfits already? I can help you put something together. You’d look fabulous in some of the wedding armor I’ve modeled— not that you don’t always look radiant, of course!”</p><p>Now there were outfits involved? “We already have a planner.”</p><p>“Oh! Well, have you sent out invitations yet? I can gather addresses on Earth, if there are any gems you need to reach! All my instructors say I have a gift for human writing!”</p><p>She thought back to what White had said about all gems, and came to an unfortunate conclusion. “I think everyone can assume they’re invited, if they’d like to come.”</p><p>“I see!” There was an awkward pause. Then, “Do you have a registry?”</p><p>“A what?”</p><p>“A list of wedding gifts you’ll accept! Humans are so clever, they found a way to completely circumvent the awkwardness of unwanted—”</p><p>“We do <em>not</em> need any gifts.”</p><p>Pearl flinched. It was the first time Yellow had raised her voice at a smaller gem in a long while, and of course it had been at someone who had heard far too much of that in the past. Pearl’s face darkened a little in shame.</p><p>“Pearl—”</p><p>“I apologize for assuming!” she chirped, her shoulders straightened in a brave attempt at professionalism. She had been trained very well. “I just wanted to be of service on your big day. It won’t happen again, my Diamond!”</p><p>“For stars’ sake, don’t call me that.” Yellow clenched her fists under the desk, trying to reign in her temper. She hated that it was still so difficult. “Pearl, I apologize for getting short with you. But you need to stop trying to serve me— or any of us. It’s Era Three. I’m sure you have better things to do.”</p><p>Pearl was quiet for a moment. Then, oddly, she gave a small smile. “I know that.” She relaxed— not by much, but it was still strange to see in the uptight little gem. “It’s just that I know how long you’ve cared for Blue Diamond, and I… I’m glad you’ve been able to find happiness. I just wanted to help you celebrate.”</p><p>Now it was Yellow’s turn to blush, though she hoped it was not obvious. She had thought for some time that their Pearls might have known, but it was one thing to suspect and quite another to be told outright.</p><p>And was that what marriage meant? That she and Blue had found happiness?</p><p>“Thank you, Pearl,” she managed. “We don’t need gifts, but we would be honored to have you there.”</p><p>The little gem tittered and preened at the compliment in a way most unbecoming of Pearls, and Yellow realized suddenly that while her former servant might know her almost as well as her own family did, she knew very little about Pearl. That did not seem right.</p><p>“So, Earth,” Yellow tried awkwardly, “you’re enjoying it there?”</p><p>“Yes, my Di— I mean, Yellow!” Pearl blushed again, giggling at the familiarity. “Pearl and I are on the intra-net now. Did you know humans have a planet-wide network for sharing art? I’m going to make her famous! And maybe…” Her blush grew, her whole face alight with a thrill Yellow had never seen in her. “Maybe one day I’ll have the courage to do what you’re doing!”</p><p>Roughly one eternity later, Yellow had learned many things about Pearl— mostly that she loved nothing more than to talk about herself, her modeling, her girlfriend, her girlfriend’s art of her modeling, and the various social events they went to together— but nothing new about marriage or weddings. Just what had she agreed to?</p><p>She tried calling Blue, but evidently her wife-to-be was busy with preparations. She tried twice more, later in the day, and still could not reach her.</p><p>Yellow drummed her fingers on her desk, debating with herself for a moment, but there was nothing else she could think of; she activated the IVR.</p><p>Although she hated to ask him for anything, it was past time to call the only expert on humans she knew.</p><p>*</p><p>Steven usually called his family to chat over breakfast, but some mornings he spent on the road. On those days he always texted, and Greg and the gems wound up having breakfast together anyway. It had become their little empty nest ritual, he liked to say.</p><p>Halfway through one such breakfast, a box in the corner labeled IVR lit up the house, making Greg knock over his coffee mug in surprise.</p><p>“Don’t answer that,” Garnet told him, while the other two stared at it. But the box soon began to chime, the noise growing in volume until Amethyst groaned and threw something at it.</p><p>Unfortunately, that just knocked off the box lid and made the thing activate. A bright yellow light grew from the top, expanding to fill the opposite wall, and they were confronted with the face of Yellow Diamond, looking just as intimidating as ever.</p><p>“Steven, I— oh. It’s you.” Somehow she looked even more irritated by this. “I need to speak with Steven.”</p><p>“Steven ain’t here,” Amethyst said flatly.</p><p>Greg, trying to discretely mop up the coffee on his lap, added, “He’s probably driving.”</p><p>“Then have him call me back. I need to ask him something.”</p><p>The gems and Greg all glanced at each other. The last few times they had seen the Diamonds, they had left on good terms, but they all knew Steven was not always comfortable with them. He seemed fine lately, but…</p><p>“Maybe we can help instead,” Pearl offered, returning Garnet’s glare with a frown of her own.</p><p>“I doubt it,” Yellow said dismissively. “It’s about human affairs.”</p><p>“Oh, then maybe I can help. As a human myself, you know…” He trailed off when Yellow’s eyes fixed on him. Even on a screen, even now, she was a lot more threatening than Blue.</p><p>“Fine then. Do you know anything about marriage?”</p><p>“Wh-<em>what?!</em>” Pearl exclaimed, while Greg sputtered, Amethyst spit out the block of butter in her mouth, and Garnet stood up and left the room.</p><p>Yellow rolled her eyes. “I’ll just ask Steven.”</p><p>“No!” Greg surprised himself with the force of it. Steven was most likely fine with the topic by now, but what if he wasn’t? He was sure Yellow meant well, but… “I can answer. What do you want to know?”</p><p>Yellow raised her eyebrows, looking him over like he was some kind of misbehaving animal. For a wild moment, she reminded Greg of his mother. “Who are you again? One of Steven’s friends?”</p><p>“I’m his dad.”</p><p>“Oh!” Yellow seemed to lean toward the camera, suddenly very interested. “You said that thing about the hot dogs.”</p><p>Amethyst snorted, while Pearl hid her face in her hands.</p><p>“Uhh, yeah,” Greg said awkwardly. “A hot dog is—”</p><p>“Don’t bother, Steven already explained.” She waved it away. “So, back to the topic at hand. What is the point of a marriage, generally? Are they common?”</p><p>Oh, jeez. Did she know about him and Rose? “Well… yeah, but… mostly it’s a legal thing? But it’s also a personal decision, I guess, so—”</p><p>“Have you been married?”</p><p>Pearl stood up. “I’ll go find Garnet,” she said quietly, and left.</p><p><em>Gee, thanks,</em> he almost said, but Yellow was still staring him down. He looked to Amethyst for help, but she was just chowing down on eggshells like they were popcorn.</p><p>“No,” Greg admitted. He made himself look up at Yellow. After all, if he wasn’t going to apologize to his own family about this, he certainly wouldn’t do it for a lady who was effectively his disowned mother-in-law. “You don’t need marriage to be committed to someone.”</p><p>“Hmph. That’s what I thought.” Yellow still seemed disgruntled, though he was beginning to think that was just her face. “So why would a gem want to get married?”</p><p>Greg shrugged helplessly. “I dunno, everyone has their own reasons. Maybe that’s something you should ask the gem?”</p><p>“I would if she’d answer her calls,” Yellow muttered. Then she said sharply, “Amethyst. Are you really going to gorge yourself during this entire conversation?”</p><p>Amethyst dipped the corner of an egg carton in syrup and popped it in her mouth. “Yup.” She swallowed and belched loudly, to Yellow’s obvious disgust. “Look dude, maybe if you told us why you’re asking, we could actually help. Is there, like, a specific person getting married here, or what?”</p><p>Yellow glared at her. “Apparently me.”</p><p>“Uh, congrats,” Greg said weakly, while Amethyst snorted.</p><p>When Yellow failed to own up to the joke, Amethyst laughed harder. “Wait, really? To who?”</p><p>Finally, it seemed, they had gotten under her skin. “<em>What</em> do you mean to <em>who?!</em>” the Diamond thundered. Amethyst stopped laughing; Greg sat back down. For a moment Yellow seemed about to get violent, sparks of lightning over her form visible even over the video relay. But then she stopped, sat back in her chair, and pinched the bridge of her nose, taking a deep breath.</p><p>“Excuse me,” she said finally, her voice back down to a normal volume. “Blue Diamond has asked me to marry her. If you could help me understand this, I would be grateful.”</p><p>Greg and Amethyst shared a look. Before either of them could think of a response, however, a series of sizzling staccato thumps drew their attention to the door.</p><p>“We are <em>not</em> gonna <em>marriage counsel</em> the freakin’ <em>Diamonds!</em>” Ruby shouted, stomping across the room and gesticulating wildly. “What’s next? Slumber parties? Yoga lessons? Fusion advice?”</p><p>“Actually, if you have any—”</p><p>“I don’t!” she shrieked, pointing her tiny finger at Yellow’s face while the floor smoked underneath her. “And you better not bug Sapphire about it either! Or Steven!”</p><p>Yellow gave her that unimpressed look. “I see your temper is as bad as mine.”</p><p>“<em>You</em>—”</p><p>“Ruby, there’s no need to worry. I don’t foresee any trouble.” Sapphire returned sedately, with Pearl on her heels. “I do see a great danger to the house, though.” She nodded pointedly at the damaged floor.</p><p>Ruby threw up her hands in a wordless cry of rage and began stomping off toward the inner temple door. “Call me when you all get your braincells back!” she shouted.</p><p>“I’d better go after her,” Sapphire sighed. “Yellow, we can’t tell you what marriage means for you or your partner. My only advice is to ask her.”</p><p>“Preferably before you say yes,” Pearl added helpfully.</p><p>If it was possible, Yellow's mouth twisted into an even deeper frown. “You know, I’m beginning to think you’re right about that.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Answers</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Yellow and Blue each try to get to the bottom of things.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*shows up to the bellow summer bash ten days late with Starbucks* WHAT'S UP CHUPS?</p>
<p>Ahem. As you can probably guess, I've had more Stuff going on. And this one was a bit tricky. It was originally for the Regret/Conflict prompt but I guess the gals don't want to fite.......</p>
<p>Content note: this one has brief talk of depression and self-harm!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Blue checked over her various lists, certain she had missed something. She had not been this busy since Era Two, and back then her Pearl had done most of the organization. And, honestly, by that point Yellow had been doing much of the work.</p>
<p>Blue shook off those thoughts. She had no time for regrets right now.</p>
<p>The rings were done; she had seen to that herself.</p>
<p>The decorations were being taken care of. It surprised her that Yellow had entrusted Spinel and White with so much of it; but then, Yellow would not want to put gem repairs on hold for party planning, and Blue did think it was a sweet way for family to be involved.</p>
<p>Blue’s dress design was settled; she had chosen a simple shape it would be easy enough to create herself, rather than allow her most extravagant loved ones to commission something.</p>
<p>The invitations… well, apparently everyone was invited. It also surprised her that Yellow was fine with all of Gemkind flocking to the old palace to observe them; Blue had thought that that she too was happier not having to perform for a crowd.</p>
<p>Then again, Yellow seemed to enjoy showing off their relationship, given her behavior lately. Ever since Blue had talked with her that night so many weeks ago, Yellow had developed a habit of offering her arm to Blue, taking her hand, or otherwise touching her in public, to the point where Blue had to wonder if she had just been waiting for permission to do so.</p>
<p>And if that was the case, then that just made this whole wedding project all the more imperative.</p>
<p>So, satisfied that there was nothing else urgent on the list, she got back to work on cloud production. Spinel thought they might make a meaningful and functional decoration at the party, and Blue had to agree. So she had been churning out extras out as fast as she could in between other duties, knowing she would much rather spend her time at the event focused on her new wife.</p>
<p>Thinking of that made the work go faster.</p>
<p>When she finally paused for a break, she checked her messages, and winced: she had missed several calls from Yellow. She was just about to press the button to call her back when the distinctive clacking of large heels called her attention down to the open doorway.</p>
<p>“Blue, we need to talk.”</p>
<p>Yellow stood there with her arms crossed, looking none too pleased.</p>
<p>“Of course,” Blue said with an apologetic smile. “What’s the matter, love?”</p>
<p>Yellow eyed the clouds around them with suspicion. “In private,” she said pointedly.</p>
<p>There were only a few gems here, and Blue was fairly sure they were napping, but she knew very well that a few years of Era Three openness could not overcome a lifetime of paranoia. She lowered herself to the ground and stood. “Lead the way, then.”</p>
<p>Yellow turned on her heel and did so, walking with the sort of purposeful, somewhat angry strides that Pink had once referred to as her Imperial Strut.</p>
<p>Blue hurried along behind her, deciding against telling her this.</p>
<p>Once they had reached their private chambers, Yellow turned. She watched the door slide shut behind Blue. As soon as it sealed, she demanded, “What is the point of this thing?”</p>
<p>Oh, dear. She was in one of <em>those</em> moods.</p>
<p>Blue clasped her hands together, determined to be patient. “Which thing do you mean?”</p>
<p>“This wedding. The whole marriage concept. What exactly are we about to do here?”</p>
<p>Blue could only stare at her. She was not sure what she had been expecting, but certainly not this. “Yellow, our wedding is in two weeks,” she said slowly.</p>
<p>“All the more reason I should know what I’m getting into now.”</p>
<p>“Why did you agree to it if you didn’t know before?”</p>
<p>Yellow’s voice was beginning to rise dangerously. “Because I had no reason to think I was being misled!”</p>
<p>“<em>Misled?</em>” Blue could hardly believe what she was hearing. “When did you think I was misleading you— when I said I loved you? When I said I wanted us to last forever?”</p>
<p>“Don’t put words in my mouth,” Yellow snapped. “I’m not talking about us in general, I’m talking about this human thing. Obviously you weren’t giving me the full story.”</p>
<p>“Which is what?”</p>
<p>“I don’t <em>know!</em>” There it was; the infamous Yellow Diamond temper. She threw her arms out to punctuate her words, sparking violently and shouting loud enough to scare off any gem in the vicinity, had there been any. “That’s the entire point, Blue! You tell me it’s just a party and a new name, and the next thing I know, White and Spinel are rearranging palace walls! Then I hear elsewhere that it’s some sort of life-changing decision, I’m being ‘congratulated’ on my ‘courage,’ and everyone I speak to has some sort of wild emotional outburst about it!” </p>
<p>“I can’t imagine what that’s been like,” Blue said dryly, earning another furious glare.</p>
<p>“Don’t mock me,” Yellow spat, but she did lower her voice half a notch. “Other sources tell me that it means whatever the participants decide on. So what does it mean to you?”</p>
<p>“It means exactly what I told you— I want a name for us.” Blue could feel the familiar lump in her throat, the sting in her eyes that happened whenever she got the slightest bit worked up. She was supposed to be better now; why did this still happen? “We’re just doing as we’ve always done. Excuse me for trying to lend some legitimacy to it.”</p>
<p>“Legitimacy?” Yellow demanded, her voice rising again. “What’s that supposed to mean— is our relationship not <em>legitimate</em> to you?”</p>
<p>“That’s not what I meant!” Her throat burned. Yellow turned away, sparking and wiping at her face, which only made the feeling worse. “What is wrong with you? I thought you’d be happy about this.”</p>
<p>“You thought I’d be happy putting everything on display?”</p>
<p>“You’ve been doing it every time we’re in public!”</p>
<p>“<em>Because you asked me to!</em>”</p>
<p>They stared at each other, breathing hard. Yellow was blinking rapidly. Through her own anger, Blue could just barely feel a wet trail beginning to form down the side of her face. “I only asked,” she said, her voice low and quaking, “that we stop hiding away. You said you didn’t mind. You said you’ve never been ashamed of me. Is that true or not?”</p>
<p>“Of course I’m not ashamed of you,” Yellow scoffed.</p>
<p>“Then what is it?” Blue demanded, no longer trying to stop her tears. If Yellow really wanted to make her cry, she could deal with the consequences. “Why are you so upset? Did you not want any of this? Are you just—” She broke off into a sob, unable to finish the question. A very old fear began stir within her: that she was not deserving of this, that Yellow would come to her senses one day. She knew it was irrational. She knew that Yellow loved her. But how much did she do just because Blue asked? How much of their relationship did she actually want?</p>
<p>“No, damn it, don’t cry,” Yellow told her, voice thick with her own tears. “Stop being so dramatic. I just want to understand what you’re asking me to do.”</p>
<p>“I’m not asking you for anything!” Blue swallowed hard, trying to contain herself. “If you don’t want to marry me, then don’t.”</p>
<p>For a long moment, the only sound in the room was Blue’s quiet weeping. Then Yellow said lowly, “Is this about Green?”</p>
<p>The confusion at that was almost enough to snap Blue out of her tears. “What in the cosmos are you talking about?”</p>
<p>“Is this because we can’t fuse? You don't have to come up with some elaborate alternative. I told you I’m willing to keep trying.”</p>
<p>“And I told you that we don’t have to.” Blue sniffed and wiped her face bitterly. “Just forget it. If you’re not comfortable, we’ll call the whole thing off. It was all for you anyway.”</p>
<p>“What is that supposed to mean?”</p>
<p>“All this formalized ritual.” Blue waved her hand. “I thought you’d like it. I know it’s been difficult for you, adjusting to all the lack of structure these days, and since you've done so much for me..." She shrugged miserably. “My mistake, I suppose.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” Yellow was silent for a moment. “Well, that’s silly.”</p>
<p>“Yes, thank you, I’m aware of that now.”</p>
<p>“You shouldn’t be worried about me. Just tell me what you need and I’ll manage. It’s not that I’m opposed to this whole marriage project, I just want to make sure I’m doing it right.”</p>
<p>So what, she had performance anxiety? That was such a non-issue that Blue literally could not believe it was the reason she had been so upset. “All we do is say some words in front of an audience. You’ve done it thousands of times before.”</p>
<p>“And then we become <em>married</em>, which as far as I can tell means we’ve achieved happiness.”</p>
<p>Blue glared at her. “And that’s a problem because…?”</p>
<p>“Because I’ve never made you happy!”</p>
<p>As soon as she said it, Yellow began to spark again, but she did not look away.</p>
<p>Blue felt like she had been punched. “Of course you have,” she stammered. “I’ve told you I’m happy with you.”</p>
<p>“You’re happy because you’re living in Era Three, not because of anything I did. We can't even fuse, Blue.”</p>
<p>“And that’s supposed to be all your fault?”</p>
<p>Finally Yellow looked down, rubbing her arms as if trying to quell the static. “Isn’t it? I’m the one who’s had trouble adjusting. I’m the one smaller gems are still afraid of. And I’m the one who can’t control my power anymore.”</p>
<p>Blue tried to reach for her, but Yellow drew back.</p>
<p>“Don’t touch me.” She winced, seeming to realize how that sounded. “Just wait a moment. I don’t want to hurt you.”</p>
<p>Blue watched as Yellow took deep breaths, but the static did not dissipate. “You have been sparking a lot lately,” she said, more than a little concerned now. “I thought you were just experiencing some kind of stress.”</p>
<p>Yellow shook her head. “It’s all this sunlight I’ve been getting. I used to limit my exposure, but now with the garden, and the nature of my work changing…” She flexed one of her hands, glaring at the lightning that zapped and popped between her fingers. “I suppose it’s better not to be so exhausted all the time, but now I have all this nervous energy. And it keeps manifesting as… this.” She squeezed her hand into a fist and it nearly glowed. “I’m not that upset, usually. But my power comes out at the slightest provocation, these days.”</p>
<p>Blue tried reaching out again. “Let me try,” she said when Yellow began to pull away again. “Please.”</p>
<p>Reluctantly, Yellow let her do it: she took Yellow’s clenched fist in both of her hands. It was very warm, almost hot, and it made the surface of her form tingle slightly.</p>
<p>She lifted Yellow’s hand up to her lips and kissed the back of it. “No pain at all,” she said. Gently, she uncurled Yellow’s fingers and pressed her palm to her cheek. “There, you see? I knew these hands would never betray me.”</p>
<p>“Blue…”</p>
<p>She did not bring up the one time that they had; she knew Yellow would be thinking of it anyway. She knew this gem nearly as well as she knew herself.</p>
<p>But, it seemed, there were still things she didn’t know.</p>
<p>“Before now,” she murmured, letting the sparks soak into her, “were you depriving yourself of light on purpose?”</p>
<p>Yellow sighed. “Sometimes.”</p>
<p>Blue kissed her palm. She was not surprised; over the years, they had each found a thousand different ways of abusing themselves. How was it different, after all, from how Blue herself used to lock herself away, denying herself social contact and stewing in the things that made her miserable? Still, it hurt terribly to hear of someone she loved doing that. And it was made worse by the fact that Blue had apparently been so self-absorbed that she had never noticed.</p>
<p>“Can I hold you?”</p>
<p>“I’m fine, Blue.”</p>
<p>“I know. Can I do it anyway?”</p>
<p>Yellow nodded, and Blue wrapped her arms around her, resting her head on her partner's shoulder. The static had a slightly numbing effect when she pressed herself against it like this. After a moment, Yellow returned the embrace, a little too gingerly. Blue closed her eyes, rubbing her back and waiting patiently, until Yellow seemed to trust that she was okay and relax a little. They stood like that for some time, just holding each other.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Yellow said quietly. “For earlier. I didn’t mean to take all that out on you.”</p>
<p>“I know you didn’t.” Blue took a deep breath and slowly let it out. Yellow was so warm, and the gradually receding sparks actually felt nice, in an odd way. “I’m sorry too, for back then. I should have been there.”</p>
<p>“Why? There was nothing you could have done.”</p>
<p>Blue squeezed her a little tighter. “Then why won’t you accept that about yourself? No one gem could have solved all Homeworld’s problems.”</p>
<p>“I know that,” Yellow grumbled, in a tone that said she definitely did not. “I just hated to see you so miserable. And I hate that I’m still disappointing you now.”</p>
<p>“You’re not.” Blue drew back just far enough to kiss her. “I promise you’re not.”</p>
<p>Yellow returned the kiss, her fingers digging into Blue’s back just a little, as if seeking reassurance that she would never ask for outright. Blue tried her best to give it to her.</p>
<p>When they parted, Yellow asked quietly, “Do you still want to do the marriage?”</p>
<p>“Only if you do.”</p>
<p>“I just want whatever makes you happy.”</p>
<p>Blue gave her a small, defiant smile. “And I’ll be happy if you’re happy.”</p>
<p>Rather than taking the bait, Yellow just frowned at her. “I don’t think I’m cut out for that.”</p>
<p>Blue sighed. That was something she had believed for a very long time. “Neither one of us was. But Yellow… if there’s one thing Era Three has taught me, it’s that a gem can do an awful lot of things she wasn’t designed for.”</p>
<p>Yellow seemed to think about that for a while. Then she came to a decision. “Right,” she said. “Let’s try this again.” She straightened up, took Blue’s shoulders and held her at arm’s length. “This marriage thing sounds intriguing, Blue. Tell me more.”</p>
<p>Blue couldn’t help it; she giggled.</p>
<p>Somehow Yellow kept up both the straight face and the sanctimonious tone. “Please, Blue, this is a serious matter. Humans tell me it is a major change in legal status and circumstance. We need to make a fully informed decision.”</p>
<p>Blue laughed again and took Yellow’s hands in hers. “Of course. I have some study material back in my office. Did you know that you can often learn more about human culture from their stories than from their laws?”</p>
<p>“I did not. Fascinating.”</p>
<p>They spent the rest of the evening together, learning all they could. In the morning Yellow attended to her gem repair work and Blue to her clouds, but the next night they were right back to it, observing everything from real-life weddings (generously shared by their former Pearls, either uploaded to the “intra-net” or recorded by them directly), to informational videos, to fictional performances called “movies.” Blue liked these because they captured the emotions of the thing.</p>
<p>As the hours went on, Yellow asked fewer questions, drifting from mere curiosity into the quiet, intense focus she had when her mind seized on something. At the end of a week, she turned to Blue, her eyes burning like liquid gold.</p>
<p>“Ask me again,” she said.</p>
<p>Blue got down on one knee and did so.</p>
<p>This time, she got a very different answer.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hopefully I'll be able to get the next (and final!) chapter up within a week or so! And I'll be better about responding to comments, too. I love and appreciate every single one of them.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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